Welcome to Worry Head, my friend! I created this blog especially for men who struggle to cope with their partner’s chronic illness. But I found that more than 90% of my visitors are women.
It did not surprise me, they want what’s best for their healthy partner, and want to know what he feels. This is why I decided to blog. Because men rarely speak up, it hurts their relationships…
Now, in order to get to know me, you have to get to know my wife too! She contributes to Worry Head whenever she has a good day, it isn’t often, but her point of view gives a nice touch to this blog.
Let’s talk about us. This is a short story of a couple of dancers turned bloggers, whose lives were turned upside down after an unfortunate chain of events.
We’ve met in 2007, on the dance floor. We danced professionally for a decade, but somewhere along the way life happened, and M became severely ill…
We’re Lucjan and M, a husband and wife with a BIG Dream to help other couples and people like you, to find a happier path in life despite chronic illness and pain.
Why didn’t we choose to blog about us dancing? Our lives drastically changed after we got married in 2012…
M suffered a neck injury during dance practice with one of her students. As time went by, my wife experienced a few more injuries over the period of a year and a half in the pelvic area of her body.
At the same time, she also experienced some pain in her lower abdomen during ovulation and heavier than usual periods.
All led her to private physiotherapy and a long road to recovery, during which M lost her full-time job as a dancer, and began working as a part-time medical secretary.
After a few years of doing a job that she did not like, the sense of loss of working doing something she once loved, and unexplained symptoms that began to appear more frequent, M began to feel anxious and depressed.
Her depression took a darker shade when my wife began to feel guilt and tried to commit suicide. Luckily, I was present at the time.
Moving forward, my wife’s father’s lack of understanding, brought more sadness to her life.
Not knowing what to do, being constantly upset by her father’s behavior, M experienced more suicidal thoughts and attempts.
I couldn’t stand to watch all of this and took 2 months of work to support her. I made her feel safe and wanted. But it was M, who did the hard part. She gave up antidepressants she’s been taking for 18 years.
Her bravery and strong will to fight made her feel better.
During my stay off work, I began to write down my thoughts which later on evolved into the blog. The reason for the name came about when I got to know my beautiful wife, M. I called her “worry head” due to her nature of constant worrying.
Before I started this blog and met M, I accomplished 5 years of medical school and became a certified paramedic doing 12-hour shifts a day. I worked in Poland, where I originally come from.
However, after moving to London, UK, my job became really stressful and dangerous. I decided to become a carer for disabled young adults working to this day 50 hours per week.
I always loved helping people, it’s in my nature, but after meeting my wife, these feelings became even stronger and gained additional meaning.
After learning her story, I realized, that M went through a lot of trauma in life.
She made me realized that women are NOT being treated fairly!
That day, I became very passionate about making a change in women’s lives…
I started writing on an impulse seeing the love of my life struggling with her thoughts, I began to scribble a series of daily notes to capture my own feelings.
My wife suffered from severe depression at the time, which nearly costed her life.
I supported M during her recovery from suicidal attempts. I wanted to be near, she was extremely fragile!
After collecting my notes, I wrote a book about us called “No amount of anxiety will push me away”, which is yet to be published…
My wife not only went through mental health problems in her childhood and early adolescence, but she also experienced physical struggles.
M suffered a lot of physical pain she could never find a reason for. It took 5 to 6 years before she was diagnosed with severe stage IV endometriosis and fibromyalgia.
Both illnesses and chronic pain naturally impacted her mental health.
I decided to become her advocate and began spreading awareness about endometriosis, wanting to make a change in the lack of equality for women’s health.
I’m extremely passionate about making a difference in women’s lives because there is something about us – men, some of us never take women’s complaints seriously. That simply isn’t right!
After the fact that I helped one person improve her life, I realized that I can do more. I decided to dedicate my life to helping other couples!
My experience thought me a very important lesson – the journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step! I took it, I did NOT chicken out, but stayed by her side during the most difficult period other life.
After attending M’s endometriosis support group meetings, I noticed a lack of men by their sides. I felt like women are not supported by their partners.
But there was always something special about us, we understand each other very well, sometimes even without words.
I noticed a gap in the ENDO-sphere! Women are not being taken seriously! My wife’s example only confirmed my worries after I accompanying her appointments with doctors, hospitals, and work management.
All three areas are dominated by men. Each time my wife attended either of her meetings, she was never taken seriously. Even more – as a woman, she was accused of having mental health problems??
Countless times she was offered pills instead of a solution to her problems. Pain is invisible, but not imaginary. M was judged, ignored, neglected. As a woman, my wife wasn’t treated fairly by men.
Things began to turn to her advantage after I started to accompany her at GP, hospital, and work appointments. Having a man by her side, these men immediately changed their tone.
It made me realized two things:
- Men don’t support women enough!
- Men don’t treat women equally!
Trying to support my wife, I constantly felt like I was being pulled in a million different directions, and I was trying to run before I even learned how to walk.
Many times we both fell flat on our faces and had to start all over again. This is what we want you to avoid!
My wife is the primary motivation for everything that I do and you’ll hear me mention her often throughout the site. She’s my inspiration behind this. I can’t imagine running this blog without her.
I believe that it’s never too late to change your life! And if your life is falling apart and causes you a lot of stress, you are not alone and it’s never too late to turn things around.
Spend some time exploring Worry Head to get a sense of what is involved. It is designed to help you make better decisions on your own.
We went through a lot of hardship but we turned things around.
Just think about us – we did it!
I want you to use our successes and our failures to reach your own goals without falling flat on your face!
I noticed that there are blogs out there on various subjects of chronic illness or mental health, but two things are frequent – there is either one or the other, and there’s usually only the sufferer’s perspective. I wanted to reach beyond that!
Physical and mental health should never be seen as separate and supporters should NOT be left out and forgotten.
There are everyday challenges of living with an invisible illness. You don’t look sick! This is true when it comes to explaining your illness to someone who is unfamiliar with it.
I want to challenge that and give people tools to help them combat disbelievers and help them reveal their struggles! You are not alone!
Hi, I am Lucian’s wife and a long term sufferer of anxiety and depression. At the age of 44, I also found out that I suffer from endometriosis, which has taken years to diagnose.
My experience of suffering from anxiety and depression goes back to my childhood and teenage years. I was often bullied throughout my school life, and my family life was also very volatile.
I believe these were the triggers that set off my anxiety and depression.
In my teenage years, I suffered from anorexia, bulimia, and OCD and was never referred for the correct talking therapies to help me.
I was just prescribed Prozac and told I had a chemical imbalance in my brain and would probably have to take them for life!
I managed to maintain jobs and get on with life, but I still had episodes of anxiety and depression which slowed me down in life and stopped me from achieving my goals.
So the Prozac never really worked because I had never been offered help to deal with the root reasons for my anxiety and depression.
It was only in recent years when I came off the drug that I was finally given some help and referred for CBT, and although it has been a struggle, I believe this, along with support and understanding from my husband, has helped me more than any drug could.
However, we are all different and for some people trying an antidepressant short term along with CBT often helps. I just don’t believe antidepressants are a long-term solution to those suffering from anxiety and depression.
This is not to say that they might be needed for more complex mental health problems. No doubt fighting anxiety and depression is a hard slog even with the right therapy.
The therapy itself is hard work because it forces you to be honest with yourself, to open yourself up, and to uncover things from the past that you may want to forget and never dealt with before.
At times it can be overwhelming and this is when support from partners, friends, family, and social support networks is most important!