Why endometriosis destroys marriages? Endometriosis in marriage and divorce.
Why endometriosis destroys marriages?
I have been married to my wife for 10 years, and we’ve been together for over 13 years. We went through challenges that no healthy couple ever will. Our marriage survived. Since endometriosis in marriage and divorce are rarely spoken of, I decided to explore why endometriosis destroys marriages?
In order to answer why endometriosis destroys marriages, I need to show you some statistics…
I actually wrote an article about the endometriosis divorce rate and how to save your marriage from divorce, you can check it right here!
Below, I listed for you endometriosis divorce rate facts and attached the endometriosis divorce rate pdf in a form of an infographic, but let’s begin with endometriosis divorce rate facts:
Normally, couples split for different reasons, but they split on average 40-50% of the time, however, the endometriosis divorce rate rises from “the norm” as much as 75%. This means that 3 out of 4 couples end in divorce.
The reason why endometriosis destroys marriages is that couples with endometriosis bring other issues in the relationship, such as:
- risk of infertility
- loss of sex life
- loss of social life
- impact on work and finances
- a very high cost of treatment
- the mental and psychological impact
People don’t talk about endometriosis in marriage and divorce risk, which this insidious condition brings. The endometriosis divorce rate is as high as 75 percent because there is still a lack of understanding of this chronic illness.
Endometriosis affects not only the person who has it but also their spouse. People often forget that for every chronically ill person there is an army of partners who support them. So, by asking why endometriosis destroys marriages, my answer is simple – it’s very complex.
Endometriosis in marriage and divorce.
Let’s go deeper into endometriosis in marriage and divorce that often occurs. In a nutshell, I pointed out why endometriosis destroys marriages, let’s discuss these issues one by one…
Endometriosis brings a risk of infertility. Endometriosis doesn’t always cause infertility, there is a risk, although the cause is not fully yet established. Even with severe endometriosis, natural conception is possible. On average 60-70% of women with endometriosis can get pregnant.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case for my wife, who has stage IV deep infiltrating endometriosis. M also has fibromyalgia that she was diagnosed with the following year of an endometriosis diagnosis.
Endometriosis causes in many cases a loss of sex life or at least diminishes it to a minimum. One of the main reasons is painful sex. When women experience endometriosis pain, sex can become unbearable.
Some women with endometriosis feel no pain at all during intercourse, but for my wife, sex is very painful (it’s called dyspareunia).
For women with endometriosis pain can make physical intimacy unbearable to the point it breaks marriages apart.
Oftentimes men leave women because they cannot imagine a relationship without sex, other times like it was in my case, women ask husbands to divorce them because they feel like a burden to them, and want their men to be happy.
A marriage without a sex life is difficult to imagine, but it happens. That’s why endometriosis in marriage and divorce often go hand in hand.
The loss of social life caused by endometriosis is caused by unpredictable flare-ups of pain and other endometriosis symptoms, such as heavy bleeding, painful periods, fatigue, iron deficiency, and severe anemia.
Endometriosis impacts work and finances, not only of the woman who suffers but her husband too.
I found myself taking months’ worth of time off work to take care of my wife. Not only was it caused by endometriosis symptoms, but it also caused my wife to feel suicidal. In the past, she tried committing suicide on a handful of occasions.
This is why I also mentioned another reason why endometriosis destroys marriages – because of the mental and psychological impact on both – sufferer and supporter.
Lastly, a very high cost of treatment of endometriosis has serious financial implications. Luckily for us, myself and M, we live in London, therefore my wife’s treatment is free. That saves us a lot of headaches because we know that it is not the case for other countries.
All of the challenges that endometriosis brings impact women mentally and psychologically but it also affects their partners.
Endometriosis in marriage and divorce is something that needs to be taken seriously. After all, the endometriosis divorce rate is very high!
My original research…
I personally emailed 200 women with endometriosis in order to do research for my book called “Endo-Tool”, which is dedicated to teaching men in detail about their partner’s endometriosis, and how to support them.
This book is an awesome achievement of mine, but it wouldn’t come to existence if it wasn’t for my beautiful wife, and for many lovely ladies who send me a lot of data of their experiences with endometriosis in their relationships. I mentioned some of these women in my book.
“Endo-Tool” is based on my personal experience of supporting my wife with endometriosis and fibromyalgia, but also on original research that I conducted in the summer of 2021.
I cannot recommend this book enough, as it’s one of a kind!
The reason being is the fact that there is a ton of information for women suffering from endometriosis, but none for male partners who love and support them. This is what my blog is about. Worry Head gives a voice to caring male partners, “Endo-Tool” is the cherry on the top!
My original research allowed me to learn a few skills that I wanted to share with you today. These are my own 15 tips that I used, and which helped me manage the most difficult times in our marriage. Here they are:
- Find support groups.
- Get help.
- Make time for yourself.
- Be kind to yourself.
- Identify personal barriers.
- Try to be patient.
- Don’t stop learning.
- Remember your loved one.
- Approach caregiving with your heart.
- Be respectful.
- Be sensitive.
- Trust in your ability to be a caregiver.
- Know your limits.
- Try not to be judgmental.
Don’t put your marriage on hold!
Finding effective treatment for endometriosis takes time. In the meantime, you still have to live and cope, and you simply can’t put on hold your relationship whilst waiting for a doctor’s opinion.
You need to take all the medical advice with a pinch of salt because what worked for my wife, won’t necessarily work for your partner.
I’m talking about medication such as painkillers, hormones, and undergoing surgeries. My wife had only one laparoscopy for her deep infiltrating endometriosis, however, after the operation, she never even touched Morphin.
How was it possible?
She managed it with her mind. Since her system is extremely sensitive to heavy painkillers and anti-inflammatories (she can only take Paracetamol), my wife had to find a way to learn to cope with chronic pain. Using breathing and relaxation she managed to turn down the pain level.
But like I said, this isn’t for everyone, this is how my wife copes every day. I help by providing a calm, safe, and quiet environment for her to focus on such a meditative state.
We always communicate and help one another, we are a team, which helps during her flare-ups. It goes for any aspect of our lives when endometriosis tries to invade our marriage. But this is not the case for every marriage, especially for the ones, where there is a lack of communication.
Many couples stop showing any signs of physical affection, they stop even simple gestures such as holding hands or cuddling while they watch TV. This definitely isn’t healthy, showing affection and intimacy are very important in any relationship, especially in one with a chronic illness.
Don’t put your marriage on hold, work through it, communicate and listen to one another. Having endometriosis does not mean your life is over.
So, if you ask me “why endometriosis destroys marriages?”, I say that every couple has different reasons. Most of the time is a lack of understanding, support of one another, and communication.
Endometriosis in marriage and divorce often go hand in hand, but if along with my wife I can manage to cope with endometriosis, fibromyalgia, general anxiety, panic attacks, Obsessive-Compulsive disorder, depression, suicidal thoughts, and attempts, my wife’s pleading to divorce her, if we can do that, you can too!
Love one another, don’t give up, do more of what makes you happy! The endometriosis divorce rate may be high, but you don’t have to belong to the 75%.
Hi, I’m Lucjan! The reason why I decided to create this blog was my beautiful wife, who experienced a lot of pain in life, but also the lack of information about endometriosis and fibromyalgia for men…