How to explain endometriosis pain to a guy or my boss?
How to explain endo


How to explain endometriosis pain to a guy?

How to explain endometriosis pain to a guy? A husband’s perspective.

Last updated: 20/10/2020

 

So, how to explain endometriosis pain to a guy?

How to explain endometriosis pain at all, let alone to a guy or any other man for that matter?

There are so many questions that pop to one’s head, especially if you don’t suffer from this chronic illness yourself. After having a long conversation with my wife who suffers from endometriosis, I realized how uninformed I was.

Sure, I educated myself along the way but what struck me the most was the fact that my wife doesn’t experience endometriosis pain alone. There are many conditions that go along with this brutal disease.

I’ll get to it in a moment but first I’d like to stress the importance of a few questions that many women ask themselves today. I’d like to tackle all of them in this very article:

  1. How to explain endometriosis?
  2. How to explain endometriosis pain?
  3. How to explain endometriosis pain to a guy?
  4. How to explain endometriosis to my boss?

We all know the old explanation…

Endometriosis occurs when bits of the tissue that lines the uterus (endometrium) grow on other pelvic organs, such as the ovaries or fallopian tubes. Outside the uterus, endometrial tissue thickens and bleeds, just as the normal endometrium does during the menstrual cycle.

But we are talking about a male species here (like myself) and I would be first to admit, that I had trouble understanding this condition.

Of course – many times I heard my wife’s screams in agony, I saw her climbing the walls from the extreme pain, the endless visits at A&E which always resulted in a lack of knowledge of doctors, their disbelief and stigma attached that it was all in her head.

You see, doctors can be very persuasive and they will always find a way to turn things around in their cause. Despite feeling unsatisfied, filled with anger and neglect, women are made to believe that period meant to be painful and in most cases, they say “that it is all anxiety and stress”.

Table of Contents:


How to explain endometriosis?

Simply put, endometriosis is an illness that affects 10% of women around the world. Statistics say 1 in 10 due to the very fact – they are statistics, data of confirmed cases. But when you take into account women who aren’t diagnosed, the number increases to a higher percentage!

After seeing my wife on a daily basis, seeing her fellow sufferers during our visits to endometriosis support groups, plus getting to know more sufferers online, I had no problems describing what I noticed, standing on the side and not being the one who suffers.

What I’m about to say might not agree with many people and I may be even crucified by haters but I am a man on a mission, a man who’s not afraid to speak up and believe that people notice and listen when they are being shocked! So here it goes…

Endometriosis is worse than cancer. Cancer is curable or the person dies. Either way, cancer patients get eventually relief. When it comes to endometriosis:

  • There is no cure, no relief, no end.
  • Endometriosis spreads just like cancer.
  • Endometriosis is as painful as cancer.
  • Untreated affects multiple organs.
  • Regardless of the surgery, in most cases, it comes back.
  • It lowers the quality of life, making women’s diet restricted.
  • Endometriosis gives a high risk of infertility.
  • Gives gastric problems.
  • It erases sex life and intimacy, affecting many relationships.
  • Affects not only a woman but those who support her.

Why do I compare endometriosis and cancer?

Because not many people may know that the cure for cancer exists! My fellow Polish comrade, doctor Stanisław Burzyński, discovered the cure a while ago. Do I have your attention?

Okay then, why haven’t you heard of it? Because of one of the biggest cover-ups in the history of medicine my friend!

This bright and pioneering biochemist discovered a unique method of successfully treating most cancers. The 50-year journey, both Dr. Burzynski and his patients, have been enduring in order to obtain FDA-approved clinical trials of Antineoplastons.

Antineoplastons cure cancer patients in a matter of a few months. They don’t give side effects or kill patients (like radiotherapy does).

Defying skepticism, legal attacks from state and federal agencies, and a powerful propaganda campaign to stop Burzynski, he refused to give up, curing many people.

But FDA was determined to put stop to this game-changing innovation because they never wanted his discovery to reach the open market.

The primary reason that the cancer industry and its regulatory agencies fear the approval of Antineoplastons is purely economical.

Pharmaceutical companies are the biggest business, mafia, liers. Call them as you wish, I chose these terms.

But there is no cure for endometriosis…

How to explain endometriosis to a guy 1


How to explain endometriosis pain?

I separately asked my wife and her mother, I also asked my sister and mum. Aside from my wife none of the ladies suffer from endometriosis.

I wanted to learn the difference between a “normal period” and a period during endometriosis.

What I found was the fact that “normal period cramps” don’t compare to those women who suffer from endometriosis.

Aside from my wife, all the women said that they had moderate pain during their cycle. My wife, on the other hand, was in a lot of pain.

Knowing that gave me a clear insight – they all experienced some kind of pain, my wife had it extremely painful, but none of the non-endo ladies went into the details of how it supposed to feel.

They simply did not know that for a simple reason – every woman is unique and has a different level of pain threshold, but to explain endometriosis pain was pretty different.

For starters, the cramps you get during your period can be tough. But if you have endometriosis, the pain may be so intense that it affects your daily routine. It might even stop you from doing some of the things you love. For my wife, it is dancing.

What I’ve learned by talking to my wife is that endometriosis causes pain in more than one area of your body, including:

  • Pelvic or belly pain. It might start before your period and last for several days. It can feel sharp and stabbing! Some women say it feels like their insides are being pulled down. My wife on many occasions felt such intense pain, that it almost drove her psychotic, wanting to cut herself open.
  • Backache. The uterus and ovaries are near the back and so belly pain radiates over hurting your back, too.
  • Leg pain. The nerves that connect to your groin, hips, and legs are also involved. Their pain can make it hard to walk. My wife limps or has to curl often.
  • Painful sex. It’s almost non-existent. Many women with endometriosis feel pain while having sex but despite the pain, they try to please their partners, ignoring their own well-being.
  • Painful bowel movements. Depending on the affected areas, it might hurt to poop or/and make you constipated.

It is difficult to describe endometriosis pain in a few sentences. When a period signals a problem, it can reflect itself in different ways – periods, no periods, painful periods, stabbing agony, light periods, heavy periods, or completely opposite – spotting.

As you probably learned back at school, menstruation is the monthly shedding of the female uterine lining.

It can be very uncomfortable and sometimes inconvenient because the period is a body’s way of saying that the reproductive system is working properly.

Every woman is unique and so every woman’s period has its own personality, therefore it reflects the pain differently. Some are short, others are long. Some are heavy, others are light.

After a few years-worth of bleeding every month, most women are going to recognize their period’s frequency, duration, and flow. They know how “normal pain” should feel like. When something out of the ordinary happens, even little, the woman is going to recognize that.

Is there such a thing as a normal period? Let’s think about it for a minute. The answer is no, not really.

The reason being is that the average woman’s menstrual cycle lasts about 28 days, the average bleeding lasts for three to five days but periods can vary from woman to woman.

Every woman should be tracking her own menstrual cycle because it allows her to notice whether something is wrong or not.

The period can either:

  • Slow down or stop.
  • Get heavier than normal.
  • Bleed between periods.
  • Get extremely painful.

Many women have heavy bleeding and strong cramps when they have their period. It is known as menorrhagia. This is the reason why some (my words) uneducated and ignorant male doctors say that women should have painful periods and that it is normal.

Heavy periods are sometimes caused by other health problems.

Beyond that, they can lead to other health issues. If you soak through a pad or tampon every hour or so on you need to consider that option and contact your doctor.

It is important because heavy bleeding, as was the case of my wife, causes anemia, which undoubtedly is going to leave you weak, fatigued, drained, tired all the time.

My wife had to:

  • Change pads at least once an hour or two for an entire day at the time.
  • Change pads in the middle of the night.
  • Wear pads at a time to manage the heavy flow.

Women may also:

  • Skip things they like doing, due to painful cramps.
  • Pass blood clots that are the size of quarters.
  • Have periods that last longer than 7 days.
  • Feel tired or short of breath.
  • Bleed between periods.
  • Bleed after menopause.

There are some common causes of period changes. Let’s discuss them one by one so you can get a sense of this. The causes might be:

Hormone problems. Every month, a lining builds up inside the womb which needs to be shed during the period. If the hormone levels aren’t balanced, the body can make the lining too thick, which leads to heavy bleeding.

If then the ovulation (release an egg from an ovary) won’t happen, this can throw off the hormone balance in the body and that leads to a thicker lining and a heavier period.

Growths in the womb. They can be in a form of polyps or fibroids, which are non-cancerous tumors that grow within the uterus. Both, too, can make periods much heavier or make them last longer than they should.

Certain IUDs. Some of them can definitely cause changes in the period and many women use them for birth control. If IUD doesn’t contain hormones, it may make periods heavier.

Female cancers. It’s pretty rare but cancer of the uterus, cervix, or ovaries may cause excess bleeding, which may appear to be a heavy period.

Pregnancy problems. An example here is an ectopic pregnancy. It’s also rare but it happens. After sperm and egg meet, the growing ball of cells. It may cause serious health problems and such as heavy bleeding.

Besides all the above there are bleeding disorders, which can occur in a family or certain medications such as blood thinners may also cause heavy periods.

So, there’s plenty to take into consideration when it comes to menstruation changes if you are looking for evidence for endometriosis pain.

And if it wasn’t enough, there are other health problems that can be mistaken for but also accompany endometriosis. That can complicate an already complex explanation of pain.

But when it comes to explaining it to a guy, you may find it much easier…

How to explain endometriosis to a guy 2


How to explain endometriosis pain to a guy?

If I, as a man, wanted to be explained in great detail (since few sentences simply won’t cut it) but knowing how repetitive and tiring it must be for her, I’d like the woman to hand me a note, explaining how hard it is to describe this illness.

I would make hundreds of copies of the note in case I will have to repeat myself over and over again to other people, and frankly, I have no will or time to do.

Remember that male species are simpler than females. I don’t mean it in a bad way, we (men) are simply wired differently, there are cognitive differences between men and women.

We (men) are visual creatures whereas women are thinkers, therefore in order to find the easiest way to explain endometriosis pain to a guy, you need to make him visualize it. The best way to do it would be as follow:

Imagine your testicles being squeezed in a vice. This vice tightens within each minute to the point you feel like you are going to faint. Imagine having it attached to your balls for 10, 15, maybe 30 minutes. How would that make you feel?

Yes, it will eventually let go and you will definitely feel great relief, but soon you will come to the realization that your relief is only temporary. When the vice tightens again, you begin to think of getting rid of the pain. But pain, however, doesn’t want to go away.

It seems like never-ending torture but it is only half a day. And hey – there’s more news – not only it isn’t over but additional issues begin to appear!

On top of the vice squeezing your testicles, the pain radiates to your back, your legs, and your stomach. The latter causes gastric problems such as heartburn and acid reflux. That, in addition, causes you to feel sick and not wanting to eat, which you can’t because of the acid buildup burning your insides.

Endometriosis is not only a disease of your reproductive system, but it is also a whole-body disease! It is an invisible illness that no one believes in. If no one believed you, how would you react?

Primarily, you would get angry and upset but that wouldn’t change the fact, that your symptoms are still invisible, and they will never go away. No mate – there is no cure, your balls will hurt forever. Unless you decide to castrate, which might take a bit of the pain away, hey – there are other symptoms you cannot get rid of.

Over time the anger and frustration begin to take a more sinister path. You become depressed over the fact that your life will never be the same again. If you think that depression is the last of your worries, my friend, you have another thing coming! Anxiety over the unknown future kicks in.

Prolonged anxiety leaves to panic attacks, which as it happens, have symptoms similar to cardiac arrest. You begin to believe that the whole situation takes a toll on your health and the amount of stress causes you a heart attack. Nope, again – it’s just a panic attack…

So, let’s summarise that:

  • Your balls are on fire being squeezed like two olives.
  • Your testosterone goes crazy, changing your mood to aggressive.
  • Castration does not help. You have more symptoms.
  • Stabbing abdominal pain, sharp pain in your coccyx.
  • Back pain, leg pain, shoulder pain.
  • Gastric problems, IBS.
  • Acid reflux and heartburn.
  • Iron deficiency (if men had periods), weakness, and fatigue.
  • Hormonal imbalance.
  • Anxiety and depression.

Shall I go on..?

Imagine going through all the above and no one believed you…

You must get up and go to work every single painful day. You’ve lost hope and will to fight but your family and friends tell you to be positive – how would that make you feel?

You feel like a burden, you cannot have sex with your wife because your balls and Willy are painful. But you do it despite the agony. You do it for your wife’s pleasure, not yours.

You feel that if you don’t then she’ll leave you. You don’t feel like a man, let alone her husband. You cannot do basic DIY unless you get an hour window when you’re free of pain.

You feel useless, no one believes you, pain doesn’t let go…

You go to the doctor in the hope of getting stronger painkillers but:

  1. Your insurance company doesn’t allow it unless you pay more money you don’t have.
  2. They don’t really work – your system built a resistance to them over time.

The doctor offers you hormones to stop your cycle (if you had one) but that will just make you go loopy!

You know that but your physician doesn’t believe you. He says otherwise telling you that he’s the doctor, not you.

You go back home unsatisfied, to say the least. The anger, frustration, the pain, the inflammation in your belly, hormonal mood changes, and heartburn make you want to throw the towel down.

But you can’t – your kids (if you can have them because endometriosis causes infertility in many patients) and your wife are waiting for you.

So, here you have it. Before we continue, remember this picture…

Egg in the vice

Worry Head Printable

FREE Printables for Her:

  • Fibromyalgia symptoms checklist
  • Endometriosis period pain tracker
  • Endo-belly
  • Body pain chart


How to explain endometriosis pain to my boss?

How to explain endometriosis to my boss? That’s a tricky one – he is not your understanding husband, nor is he your friend.

If your boss is a woman, she’d definitely be more willing to listen and understanding. But if your boss is a man, we’re talking about a slightly different scenario.

For starters, you feel embarrassed to talk about your private issues with a man. You feel pressured because of your situation but the anxiety over the fact gives you many scenarios such as the worst possible – he may laugh.

Sure, you know that your boss wouldn’t do that, however, it is in the back of your mind. After all, male doctors did not believe you for many years, you still have no written diagnosis and so there is no proof of your suffering.

Whatever your boss will decide to do, there are consequences that might follow and so you will start asking yourself more questions, which may impact your livelihood:

  • physical health
  • psychological health
  • financial situation

Before you begin to think about how to explain endometriosis to your boss, there will be an avalanche of questions popping into your head and so before the meeting with your boss, you need to get to know your options. I have no idea how it is in other countries but I base this on my wife’s case, which took in the United Kingdom.

  1. Your sick pay. In the UK we Statutory Sick Pay which is not paid at your normal rate of pay but at the SSP rate – £88.45 per week. Seems laughable, right? Well my friends, unfortunately, that’s real.

    SSP is not paid for the first three days of sickness. Furthermore, it runs out after 28 weeks. If you are self-employed, you are not entitled to this.

    You must provide the necessary self-certification form or a letter from your GP (let’s call it a “sick note”) in the case of your absence being 7 days or more. Self-certification forms are often available in your GP surgery.

    For women suffering from endometriosis, the reoccurring situation of not being paid for the first three days of their absence results in a greater loss of money.

    Longer-term sickness can result in the statutory sick pay period of 28 weeks but after that period you are no longer able to receive SSP pay from your employer, the government will take over in continuing to pay you, thanks to you paying money through your payroll.

  2. Privacy. You are entitled to refuse the information about your health. You cannot be forced by your boss to agree to disclose your medical history.

    Endometriosis is a very personal and feminine condition. You may feel frightened and refuse to talk to your male boss but also from the fear that your colleagues at work might hear you speak and you worry about what they might think or say.

  3. Equality and Disability. This might be tricky to consider and I will be first to admit, my wife refuses to be seen as “disabled”. She’s fit, she’s a dancer and she doesn’t want to feel limited in any way. I am pretty sure, this is the case for many of you lovely ladies.

    Women suffering from endometriosis feel a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial, and long-term negative effect on their ability to carry out normal day-to-day tasks.

    When it comes to a job, it may seem impossible. In some cases, such as my wife’s, if you work with a computer, you have the option of working from home. Ask your employer for just that. None of you are going to lose on it and it might be a win-win solution.

    If that condition, however, prevents her from carrying out her day-to-day work, because it may be physical, then you may be entitled to the protection of the Equality Act.

  4. Occupational Health. My wife also reached for occupational help. People often think that it isn’t in their right to reach out to OH, but actually, my wife did exactly that – she told her boss to contact Occupational Health for her.

    As my wife found out first hand, not all occupational health consultants are fully familiar with endometriosis, and it might be necessary for the various doctors to work together, and within your consent, collect the appropriate data to make recommendations.

  5. Ordinary Flexible Working Request. You have the right to make flexible working requests but your boss is not obliged to grant them. My wife asked for the change in her work location (home) and change in her working hours like it was for the majority of people being able to work from home during the epidemic of Covid-19. My wife, however, asked for a permanent agreement.
  6. Have a man by your side! Yep – this is where we step in guys – it does miracles! Having a man by her side the employer will not dare to dismiss or blindly blame endometriosis on stress and anxiety, not knowing what it is in the first place.


    You are there to put your foot down bud
    if anything was to go along these lines! If needed, do it, be the man, and confirm what your wife is going through.

    Additionally, tell her boss how it makes you feel. Your wife’s chronic illness doesn’t affect one person anymore, it touches her loved ones and that won’t be ignored, I promise you! Being by her side to confront the boss or her doctor will make the difference between months of neglect and action.

Endometriosis is painful as hell! It is painful to the point where it makes my wife physically sick. I’ve sometimes her climbing the walls from excruciating pain as if she was possessed. It is like an angry demon living in her uterus. My wife feels like she wants to grab a knife and rip her insides apart!

How to explain endometriosis, let alone endometriosis pain to someone who never experienced it? It is bloody hard, I dare to say almost impossible. But somehow women find the way!

You’re being prescribed the strongest painkillers possible. This leads everyone to think that you have a drug addiction problem when all you try and do is have a normal life. And gentlemen, there is no cure for it, I cannot stress this enough!

THERE IS NO CURE. Regular surgery is needed to physically cut out the unruly tissue. After that, you literally can’t move for a week or more. Women truly deserve to be treated like a Queen now and then. I believe that women’s life is more difficult than ours.

Guys, take care of all the ladies in your life, regardless if it’s your daughter, your sister, mum, your friend, your girlfriend, or wife. They all deserve more love and care than you could ever imagine. Even the women who are healthy have more struggles than us in life, let alone women who suffer from endometriosis.

I hope I managed to at least touch the subject and answer in basic terms the questions that no one ever asks:

  • How to explain endometriosis?
  • How to explain endometriosis pain?
  • How to explain endometriosis pain to a guy?
  • How to explain endometriosis to my boss?

I wish you all the very best! You deserve that!

And gentlemen – don’t forget how squashed nuts only scratch the surface of what endometriosis pain really feels like…

Let’s meet in the comments section below. Let’s have a chat and share what we know. We can help spread awareness of endometriosis, one of the most brutal, invisible chronic illnesses.

Below you will find books about the subject of endometriosis which will help you understand how it feels in more detail. They really helped my wife along the way.

Signature Lucjan


Endometriosis books!

The doctor will see you nowThis book has changed my wife’s life! She struggled with her diagnosis and having nowhere to turn to for knowledge and advice. This book has everything you need to know to prepare you for what’s ahead in terms of symptoms, treatment, and managing your endometriosis. We truly cannot recommend it enough! This book is worth every single penny!

Beyond the pillOut of the 100 million women – almost 11 million in the United States alone – who are on the pill, roughly 60 percent take it for non-contraceptive reasons like painful periods, endometriosis, PCOS, and acne. While the birth control pill is widely prescribed as a quick-fix solution to a variety of women’s health conditions, taking it can also result in other more serious and dangerous health consequences.

Who am I?

Hi, I’m Lucjan! The reason why I decided to create this blog was my beautiful wife, who experienced a lot of pain in life, but also the lack of information for those who support their partners… [read more]


Disclosure:

We only partner with trusted companies offering products that help our readers achieve their goals! If you purchase through our links, we get paid at no additional cost to you! It helps us run the blog… Thank you!

2 thoughts on “How to explain endometriosis pain to a guy”

  1. Gertjan Versluis

    Best Lucjan,
    My wife sends me this link to read, because we, just like you guys, went through the whole process of going from doctor to doctor and hear almost every “expert” opinion all these doctors have with regards to Endometrioses.
    My wife is on the waiting list for her 5th operation now, but because of the Covid-19, she is not seen as a priority. Painkillers are not working anymore, and I wish I could change places to ease her burden. That is the powerless feeling any husband or partner has seeing his wife in this agony of severe pain.
    It is a lengthy piece of text to read, but its full covers what I also try to explain to people if they ask me;” what is Endometrioses?” Sometimes I am not even going there anymore because people just do not understand, and it is hard to explain.
    We are by the way Dutch, and in the Netherlands, there is only 1 specialized hospital that has extensive knowledge and experience with the condition and that hospital in in Amsterdam. For us, a 3-hour drive from home.
    Just like your wife, my wife loves dancing (we did ballroom dancing on competition level), see loves horseback riding (she also does that on high competition level, and was gymnastics on national level when she was younger. So she also learned how to “eat” away the pain and not have this condition stand in her way, but when she is getting older and older it is harder to do. (she is now 37)
    She also sometimes wanted to make the comparison with cancer, but as humble as she is, she never did that because she thought that cancer is considered much worse, until she read your blog. Basically, same for me. What we already thought, you put into words. Thanks for that. We feel not being alone in this anymore.
    Nobody in our families understands this. They all think it is treatable and should be fine after an operation. They are every time again surprised if I tell them that my wife is going backwards again and soon need to be operated again. They do not understand.
    I will send them this article and maybe it will be an eye opener for them. (I will first translate it into Dutch, so it is a bit easier to understand. (I work in Saudi, so I read, write, and talk English all day, so basically my second language now.)
    I just wanted to thank you for this. I will share (did it already) with close friends and family in the hope of a little more understanding of this problem.
    I wish you and your wife all the best and strength in the world. Just like you, I love my wife very much and I made a promise when I married her. We are all in this together, and no matter what, we will go through it together. That makes a good team.
    Regards,
    Gertjan (& Angelique)

    1. Dear Gertjan & Angelique,

      It is so lovely to hear from you guys. You are really kind and you made me realise that I’m on the right track to helping people or ar least letting them know that they are not alone.

      I’m so sorry to hear that your wife has a 5th operation now. My M had only one but she was lucky enough to be operated on by one of the top specialists in London where we live.

      However, she still suffers with pelvic pain and all-over, widespread body pain which has been diagnosed as Fibromyalgia.

      The things that help her through is doing excersise, pilates and dancing but not too much. She uses CBD cream to help her pain but she doesn’t take any hormones because they cause her very bad mood swings and she already suffers from anxiety and depression. She doesn’t take painkillers aside from Paracetamol.

      She’s 45. What helps her is psychotherapy CBT for anxiety because stress is the trigger for pain.

      I am happy that you want to translate my post to Dutch. This is so nice.

      Thank you both so much! I’m certain that she finds an angel in you, you sound like the best man for her. She’s lucky to have you. You’re doing fantastic job advocating for her.

      Sending our love and support Gertjan & Angelique,

      Lucjan & M.

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