How to explain endometriosis to your partner? From a husband of a wife with endometriosis…
How to explain endometriosis to your partner?
If you live with endometriosis, you already know how complex this chronic illness is, but how to explain endometriosis to your partner, for whom the menstrual cycle seems alien enough?
As a man, I found at the beginning, that I could barely spell the word endometriosis, let alone understand it.
As a woman with endometriosis, you may have questions such as:
- Why isn’t he involved?
- Why doesn’t he believe my pain?
- Why is he so quiet when I hurt?
- How can I meet his sexual needs?
Luckily for my wife, I’m understanding, patient, and wanted to learn about it. But this might not be the case for every man. This is why I wrote this post, to help you out.
If doctors don’t know the cause for this chronic disease since there are only theories, and the pain is invisible, how to explain endometriosis to your partner?
Here’s the answer:
Endometriosis is a chronic condition in which the tissue that normally lines the uterus grows in other parts of the pelvis, like in the bladder or ovaries.
Chronic means that there is no cure for it, and you have to take a holistic approach to manage endometriosis.
Endometriosis is an inflammatory condition that means that things such as the wrong diet or stress will cause inflammation and pain.
There are different types of stages of this chronic disease, however, the severity of pain does not relate to the size of endometriosis, but to the area, the endometrial tissue grows.
The best thing you can do is the following:
- Learn about endometriosis…
- Choose the right time to talk.
- Be honest and supportive.
- Say you’ll satisfy his sexual needs!
- Say you won’t stop him from living.
- Start a blogging business!
Learn about endometriosis…
If you don’t know how to explain endometriosis to your partner, the first thing you should do is learn about this illness.
I’m sure your daily struggles educated you quite well, but remember that we talk about male species here, and as a man, I can tell you that you will have to try to explain it to your partner in a simple way.
I say “simple” because usually doctors and even medical books explain things in such a way that sound very encyclopedic.
You have to explain it to your man in a simple way so it’s easy to remember.
Like I said at the beginning, here’s the recap…
Endometriosis is a chronic condition in which the tissue that lines the uterus grows outside of it.
It could grow on the bladder or ovaries, causing scars that merge and pull on the pelvic muscles, and organs, which causes pain. This pain can be so strong it feels like you’re being ripped apart.
Any negative factors such as an unhealthy diet, or stress inflame you inside causing the muscles and organs to be pulled down. It is extremely painful.
You can manage endometriosis surgically, by cutting the endometrial tissue out, but in more advanced stages of endometriosis, surgeons can rarely get rid of it all.
If any endometrial tissue is left, you don’t keep a good diet and live under constant stress, it is going to grow back with time. If you developed endometriosis at a young age, most likely you’ll need multiple surgeries.
Choose the right time to talk.
Don’t just start the conversation out of nowhere. Prepare your partner by choosing the right time to bring it to your partner.
The best way is to do it when he’s most relaxed, doing nothing, ideally during the beginning of the weekend. Weekdays are filled with work and stress. Try to avoid that, unless he has time off.
Let them know you want to talk about your endo so you can choose a time and place that works for both of you.
Make sure it’s just the two of you, with no stress or any interruptions, make sure that you’re in a quiet environment free from distraction. Ideally, in the evening.
Tell him how much you value his presence and his help.
The focus is always placed on the women who suffer from endometriosis, and rightly so, but our struggles aren’t often recognized.
We desperately need our voices to be heard and we also want to be understood.
Partners want to feel respected because at the end of the day we sacrifice our time, and life, to help another person while ignoring our own to some extent.
By making sure you choose the right time, right place, and the right tone, and at the same time you show him that you appreciate his support, it will be much easier to discuss the issue.
Be honest and supportive.
Don’t shy away from talking as openly as you can about your symptoms and how they affect you.
Let your man know that pain, fatigue, and heavy bleeding could interrupt your plans from time to time and he should be prepared for it.
Explain to him that you will figure out ways to work around endometriosis together. You can do it by suggesting doing a movie night at home instead of going out.
Remember that whenever you’re experiencing pain and other symptoms of endometriosis, it’s easy to forget that your man is going through them with you.
Also, your partner may experience many similar emotions to yours, such as anger, frustration, and helplessness, even emotions such as low mood, anxiety, and a feeling of powerlessness.
Be sure to listen to your partner when he’s trying to express himself. In the same way, as he is, be understanding and supportive.
Say you’ll satisfy his sexual needs!
I know you shouldn’t promise things, and this is not what I’m saying here. While trying to figure out how to explain endometriosis to your partner you have to mention sex because endometriosis causes a lot of sexual tension…
In the medical world, painful intercourse is referred to as dyspareunia, you may hear that a lot. It’s one of the main symptoms that 50% of women with endometriosis experience. It can cause you to develop a negative relationship with sex, which is extremely hard to overcome.
Up to 69% of women with this brutal condition report avoiding intercourse at some point, due to pain.
Physical intimacy is something we crave. It’s human nature. But don’t be alarmed, as we (men) are simple creatures, who don’t need much to be satisfied. However, for too many of us, it is not just about orgasm, although to the majority of men is…
What I mean by telling him that you’ll satisfy his needs is discussing what he likes sexually that doesn’t involve vaginal penetration.
But if you want to try penetration:
- Have it between your periods.
- Lubricate a lot.
- Increase foreplay for natural lubrication.
- Try different positions.
- Take pain relief before sex.
There are alternatives to vaginal sex, and unless you like it, I am not talking about anal sex.
Even though it can be extremely satisfying, with added taboo element to making it hot, not many women like anal sex. Men usually rush things, which causes pain, and women begin to hate it for life, not giving it a proper way to explore.
So, if you and your partner decide to give anal sex a try, get informed, take time, and use a lot of lube. I mean a lot!
The good news is that even having endometriosis you can have sex, and not only is it perfectly safe, but it can be enjoyable too.
It’s important to speak to your partner if you experience any kind of irritation. But remember that anxiety and anticipation of pain during sex can cause physical tension, and that increases the pain.
But if it all fails due to fear or extreme pain, remember – if you give your man oral sex out of the blue, without him even asking, and do it as often as you wish, he’ll love you forever! Again, we are simple creatures, we love oral sex.
Additionally, I asked my wife and other women if oral sex hurts them, 95 % of them said it doesn’t so you can always satisfy each other orally. If you experience pain after orgasm, it is due to muscle irritation and dryness. Lubricate yourself with a chemical-free lubricant after orgasms, to solve the problem.
Say you won’t stop him from living.
This one is very important. Knowing how to explain endometriosis to your partner, you should take into account his life, his habits, hobbies, and passions.
If there is something that he likes doing that keeps him sane, let him do it.
For me, it is working out and blogging.
My wife knows that I need to do something for myself, to have a “me time”. It allows me to have a sense of normality because after all, we are both in this together.
She knows, that I need to do things for myself, have my alone time, as it allows me to recharge my batteries, get physically and emotionally strong. I need to take care of myself before taking care of her.
Self-care isn’t only for you, he also needs it. Although he may never admit this, as it’s a sign of weakness in your man’s eyes, he has to have an opportunity to escape the cycle of support. Remember, he helps because he loves you. Love him back, give him time on his own.
Say that you don’t want to stop him from living his own life while he supports you. It will strengthen your relationship.
Start a blogging business!
Lastly, thinking about how to explain endometriosis to your partner, you can always tell him, that even though endometriosis may force you to quit your job or cut on hours, you can always work from home.
But don’t work for other people, you will get nowhere. Start a blog, start a blogging business!
Endometriosis causes financial problems, and the best way out of them is to start a blog. Ideally about something you know.
Look at me – I blog about partners of those who suffer from endometriosis and fibromyalgia, helping thousands of people find their way in supporting their loved ones with chronic illnesses.
You can make BIG money from blogging if you only put your heart into it.
But you must treat it as a business because it is going to be if you want it to become your full-time job.
It will allow you to feel financially stress-free, to get better, private help, better holistic approach such as acupuncture, pelvic physio, or CBT. You can travel and work from any place in the world, by avoiding stress your endometriosis symptoms decrease.
Have it in mind. Start a blogging biz today!
For more information on how to do it go to my blogging articles.
Hi, I’m Lucjan! The reason why I decided to create this blog was my beautiful wife, who experienced a lot of pain in life, but also the lack of information about endometriosis and fibromyalgia for men…