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My endometriosis is making me suicidal! Helping one another survive endometriosis…
My endometriosis is making me suicidal…
Helping one another survive endometriosis can be extremely challenging. When you hear your partner say “my endometriosis is making me suicidal”, you feel a rush running through your veins, you feel scared, lost, and really hopeless.
10 years ago I married a beautiful Italian girl. She was a dance teacher, I was her student. It was just like in the movies…
However, soon after our honeymoon, things began to change. My wife was diagnosed with stage IV deep infiltrating endometriosis, and later on, with fibromyalgia disorder.
At that time a lack of understanding, support, and disbelief from the family and doctors made my wife feel neglected and unwanted.
Even though I never showed that this negatively impacted me, and I was more supportive than ever, my wife felt like a burden to me because of those who did not understand and believe her. She thought that deep inside I felt the same way.
She asked me to divorce her on a handful of occasions, however, I refused every time. She wanted me to be happy and felt like she couldn’t be “a proper woman and wife” as she put it.
Endometriosis prevented us from having kids. We could not build a family of our own, and that made her feel less attractive.
Because she could not have children, she felt like a failure not being able to become a mother, and because of the painful sex that endometriosis causes, she did not feel like she could give me what I needed, and did not feel like a real woman.
These two things alone were enough to make her feel terrible, let alone the symptoms and endometriosis pain.
In the beginning, I couldn’t understand endometriosis. This is why I wrote “Endo-Tool, Endometriosis for Men”, which shows what women with this illness go through. I give you the 1st chapter for FREE. It contains 20 pages filled with lots of value, including:
- What is endometriosis?
- What are the symptoms?
- What causes endometriosis?
- What does endometriosis look like?
- What are the stages?
- What are the types?
- What is adenomyosis and how is it related to endometriosis?
- Why do some women develop severe endo and others don’t?
- Does endometriosis cause infertility?
- How is endometriosis diagnosed?
- Do types and stages affect the treatment?
- Recurrence of endometriosis after excision surgery.
Get FREE “Endo-Tool”
Endometriosis for Men e-Book
Endometriosis suicide statistics…
About 50% of women with endometriosis reported that this chronic illness led them to suicidal thoughts.
Even though it was according to results one of the largest-ever surveys of its kind, it isn’t big enough. These are the numbers for women who took part in the survey. But what about those who did not?
In the autumn of 2019, the BBC released the results of its survey collecting data of more than 13,500 women with endometriosis. Here’s the source.
All nice and dandy, but that’s still not enough data!
Dr. Gabor Mate is an expert in childhood trauma, addiction, and the author of many magnificent books, including the connection between traumatic events and chronic conditions.
I and my wife learned a lot from Gabor’s books, especially about my wife’s connection between the childhood trauma she experienced and her chronic conditions.
It gave us an insight into how to unlock her hidden emotions and the connection between the mind and body. This book is called “when the body says no” and is available on Amazon. I cannot recommend it enough!
Traumatic events that originate from childhood come up in adolescence. Suicidal thoughts are one of the symptoms of anxiety and depression that endometriosis undoubtedly causes.
After hearing my wife say “my endometriosis is making me suicidal”, I decided to do more of my own research, as I was satisfied with BBC’s small, one-off survey.
I conducted a mini-survey of my own, I reached out to other women who suffer endometriosis, but I also observed my wife for nearly 10 years.
I found women’s suicidal thoughts are most prominent during their ovulation and during their periods. Studies of experts confirmed my suspensions.
Feeling depressed before and during a period is common. Experts believe that these emotional changes occur as a result of fluctuating hormone levels.
This is exactly what my wife told me, she felt, over the years.
Most women will experience some symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS), including moodiness and headaches, but some women can also develop more severe symptoms, such as depression and anger.
Severe PMS symptoms may indicate another condition, called premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD for short).
In addition, existing mental health conditions such as anxiety, OCD, or depression, temporarily worsen during a menstrual period.
Suicidal thoughts and attempts are some of the symptoms of PMDD. According to the International Association for Premenstrual Disorders, 15% of women with PMDD will attempt suicide in their lifetime.
Endometriosis and self-harm.
My wife’s endometriosis caused her to develop a lot of general anxiety, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, depression. The mental impact of this insidious condition caused her to feel like a burden and self-harm.
Women who hide their emotions because they don’t want to be a burden to their family and partners, struggle to express their frustration and anger.
Instead of hitting those family members who unconsciously cause them to feel worse, or instead of breaking things up to let the emotions out, they self-harm.
They also self-harm to show others who don’t believe them that they are in real pain. Most of the time their symptoms are ignored by others, even doctors who are meant to be trusted.
If you have no help whatsoever and you struggle to be heard, such acts of desperate call for help are only natural. As her partner, you should definitely avoid blaming her. Instead, give her comfort and listen.
Have you ever heard your partner talk about suicidal thoughts? I have. Have you ever seen your partner self-harm? Pray you won’t.
I’ve seen it all, countless times. I have even seen my wife trying to commit suicide.
Luckily, I was there to stop her. Self-harm takes different forms, but I want to talk about one less obvious, the one form of self-harm nobody talks about…
Hearing the words “self-harm” people always think of the drastic, physical side of it. But no one ever takes into consideration the thoughts alone.
When you hear your loved one say “my endometriosis is making me suicidal” you have to take it seriously. Don’t ignore these signs.
Words and thoughts can harm. Sometimes even more than physical acts. Physical wounds heal faster than psychological ones. Let me put it bluntly… your partner may plan her funeral whilst drying her hair.
Well, if I didn’t paint such a drastic picture, you would have never noticed it, would you?
Unfortunately, that’s often the reality for many women. Endometriosis steals lives. It isn’t widely spoken of, but that is the truth.
Your partner may be no exception, but you will never notice anything. She would not want to put her burden of thoughts on you.
My endometriosis is making me suicidal!
My wife tried to commit suicide on more than one occasion. It was never her fault, but she blamed and hated herself for being ill, for not being the fit person she used to be.
It happens. Women with endometriosis know how excruciating pain can be. It leads to utter exhaustion, loss of work hours, and what follows – money.
Financial strain is another reason for suicidal thoughts…
Seeing future struggles, shattered dreams, and no prospect of a happy life, leads women to develop financial anxiety, and stress over the unknown future seems unbearable.
I actually wrote a pretty long post about money anxiety and shared plenty of tips on how to save money.
I based it on 5 financial books written by one of the most successful investors of all time, Robert Kiyosaki, but also by Mike Maloney who’s an expert in precious metals like gold and silver.
They helped me build my investment portfolio and taught me how to manage money. I gathered all that information in one article called “money anxiety”, and you can read it right here!
Endometriosis and mental health.
Endometriosis steals the lives of women due to lack of financial, medical, and mental support, but also emotional support of their partners.
Endometriosis is a recipe for anxiety and depression, sometimes even OCD. It makes your partner feel overwhelmed to the point it leads to suicidal thoughts.
By thinking and asking “my endometriosis is making me suicidal”, how can I control this?” women don’t get any answers. Endometriosis makes them lose control of many aspects of their lives. They want to gain the control back.
One of the ways is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It gives them a false impression of being in control because instead, it is the OCD that controls their behavior.
Imagine not knowing when your flare-ups of pain and fatigue are going to appear. You don’t know when will they disable you from days, sometimes even weeks of work.
Imagine not knowing how much money you’re going to make next month. Imagine having to worry about the unknown future day after day.
Eventually, you begin to believe your thoughts. That’s anxiety.
Now, imagine going through this for weeks, months, sometimes even years… The time passes by, and you begin to see your past in a negative light.
All you see is the trouble the illness caused you. You begin to think that your life will never be the same again, that it is not going to change. You begin to think about the negative events from the past until eventually, it blends with reality. That’s depression.
One of the common symptoms of depression is suicidal thoughts. I wish people saw it this way. Instead, they see it as selfishness, as if your partner never cared about the feelings of her family or/and yours.
How can she think that and hurt me saying she wants to end it? Why doesn’t she consider my feelings?
It’s actually the exact opposite, my friend, she does it because she cares about you, but you may misinterpret it. She feels that she stops you from living a happy, fulfilling life.
You may have lost your sex life, you don’t ever socialize as often as you used to. She may earn less than she used to as she loses workdays due to endometriosis flare-ups.
She wants to spare you all of this trouble, she feels like a burden to you on every level.
Besides, it’s not about you. She’s the priority at that moment. You are healthy and perfectly capable of change. You can change your life anytime. You can walk away anytime, which adds another aspect to her worries.
You have a choice, she doesn’t feel the same way. She’s not free to change her job, as others may not be as understanding as her current employer.
What can suffer do to prevent suicide?
When you find yourself having suicidal thoughts, you are at most desperate. There are plenty of apps that you may find helpful, but this is the last thing you want to do when your mind is set on other things.
The first best thing you can do is to seek out help. Do it as soon as possible, don’t delay this because it’s not worth it.
Below this paragraph, I provide you with a FREE printable of helpful contacts for moments when you feel most desperate and you are alone.
The second best thing you can do is not to be alone, to have someone by your side, a work colleague, a friend, or in the best-case scenario, your partner.
If you feel totally lost and your thoughts don’t allow you to focus, let someone else take care of you, call an ambulance or drive you to the nearest A&E.
As long as you’re not alone, surrounded by people who love you, you will be okay.
What can supporters do to prevent suicide?
The answer is always the same – be there for her.
Don’t judge your partner, don’t suggest to her anything, I can guarantee you, she thought of it all already.
All you need to do is simply listen, just be there, don’t make her feel like she’s useless. Cuddle her, reassure them, make her feel safe.
I’ve done it many times without the need for an ambulance. Emotions are strong but they are temporary, they always pass. Sure, they often come back, but at the time you both have time to seek treatment.
Your partner is still capable of beautiful things, and despite her feelings, she can change your world for to better!
She’s just lost in the moment, but this dark moment will pass. Remind her not to make any permanent decisions for temporary emotions. Nothing lasts, things do change.
Think of a lifeline, of your heart graph on ECG…
How does it look like?
It’s up and down, correct? That’s life!
Life is full of ups and downs, it’s full of emotions. Without them, we would be flat. There is no happiness without sadness. After the rain, there’s always a rainbow (somewhere).
Imagine now not having to experience emotions. How would the lifeline look like? Flat. What does this flat line mean on the graph? Death.
Explain it to her in the exact way I did above. It’s so true, and it reflects what life looks like. We meant to feel, we meant to get angry, we meant to cry. When you feel, you are alive.
Helping one another survive endometriosis is the best thing you can do. After all, you are in this together, you are a team. Next time your partner tells you “darling, my endometriosis is making me suicidal” you’ll know what to do.
Take care of one another!
Hi, I’m Lucjan! The reason why I decided to create this blog was my beautiful wife, who experienced a lot of pain in life, but also the lack of information about endometriosis and fibromyalgia for men…