Fibromyalgia divorce rate.
What do I know about the fibromyalgia divorce rate?
I know about fibromyalgia rate divorce. My wife asked me to divorce her on a few separate occasions since she was diagnosed with endometriosis and fibromyalgia.
Each time I refused it, and I have never regretted it. I gained a lot of experience and learned how to avoid it!
There are countless blogs on the subject of fibromyalgia from the perspective of women who suffer from this chronic disorder, but it’s extremely rare to see their male partner’s point of view.
This is where the problem begins because people usually find information about one side of the story. You need to know both to get the whole picture of fibromyalgia and marriage.
Not knowing what the supporting partner feels makes women upset and angry because they think that their man doesn’t care at all about them.
This isn’t true. We aren’t simply heard, our struggles are not understood.
Sure, in some cases it may be true that men don’t care, however, the majority of us truly love our women. We just feel lost not knowing what to do.
Our instinct tells us to fix things. Even though we can’t fix fibromyalgia, it’s still in our nature to try and do it. This is an impossible task, but not being able to fix something, makes some of us feel useless and less of a man.
Men don’t express their emotions easily, it is a major problem, which leads to a lack of communication, the lack of communication leads to arguments, and ultimately, arguments lead to divorce.
Fibromyalgia divorce rate.
Experts say that chronic illnesses increase the risk of divorce from the norm of 40-50% to as much as 75%.
Saying that amongst couples with fibromyalgia divorce rate raises because there are other issues that often occur, such as fatigue, brain fog, loss of social life, loss of intimacy, and overall sex life.
From my personal experience based on my marriage I’ve learned two things:
- Men struggle to cope with new adjustments in their lives and that makes them leave their women.
- Women feel guilty and like a burden to their partners, and ask their husbands to leave them.
My wife and I belong to the latter. M sufferers from endometriosis and fibromyalgia. Both illnesses impact her mental health.
But why within chronic illnesses like fibromyalgia divorce rate is higher than in other conditions?
Because constant pain affects women’s sex drive, and sex is very important to men. Some women don’t ever have sex in fear of pain. It is a traumatic experience for both partners.
Women feel guilty every time they refuse sex. But sometimes their fibromyalgia pain is too much to bear. The last thing on their mind is sex.
Being in constant pain can magnify a relationship’s past imperfections or strengthen what was already strong between partners, but sometimes the diagnosis of fibromyalgia can bring couples closer together. That was the case for M and me.
Struggling with chronic illnesses in our marriage can be very difficult for both of us at times.
Fibromyalgia is an intruder because it tries to rob our relationship. I know we got better as time went on, but we watched ourselves struggle, making many mistakes along the way.
The fibromyalgia divorce rate is high because shifting roles in the marriage can cause communication breakdowns. Unfortunately, the fibromyalgia divorce rate among couples touched by this chronic illness is a whopping 75 percent!
The male spouse is pushed into the role of a caregiver and must take on additional chores. A key difference between men and women is their comfort level with the role of caregiver. Some men find caregiving an awkward territory
Men prefer to fix things. But instead of trying to fix chronic illness (which we can’t), male partners get frustrated, and unfortunately, the divorce rate is as high as 75 percent.
No one talks about men who feel the loss, who grieve over it and never seem to be heard. They are more likely than women to have an affair, which itself leads to betrayal and broken hearts.
But the impact of fibromyalgia on the couple’s sex life isn’t all married people have to deal with.
The emotional, mental, and psychological toll this chronic illness has on the couple is another reason for the higher fibromyalgia divorce rate.
And don’t let me get started on financial impact!
Anxiety over the unknown future, depression caused by trauma and loss, guilt, and grief are among the issues too.
Fibromyalgia causes my wife symptoms such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS for short). In addition to that, like many women, she developed various kinds of food intolerance.
She can’t eat dairy products, red meat, sugar, and most fruits, and she had to cut down on caffeine.
For an Italian woman like my wife, having to cut down on her beloved coffee is a big deal. And let’s not forget these lovely kinds of foods she can’t have…
Fibromyalgia, along with endometriosis, made her diet extremely restricted and difficult to manage. Sure, it’s doable her meals became repetitive and boring.
Normally, you wouldn’t think it affects a man but the truth is, we cannot go to a restaurant with our wives as we used to in the past because the menu isn’t designed for women with fibromyalgia.
Also, going to a party with other people isn’t an option anymore. Even friends don’t understand what we both are going through.
We have to cancel some of our plans and meetings because of the fibromyalgia flare-ups that always unexpectedly occur.
Saving marriage from divorce amongst couples with fibromyalgia isn’t easy. Everything seems to work against them. Even physically healthy relationships have problems, let alone those with a chronic illness.
Fibromyalgia can be a big deal if there is no communication and understanding between you and your partner.
Loving a woman with fibromyalgia can be challenging to begin with, but I’ve learned after 13 years how to manage our ups and downs.
My personal experience helped me a lot, but it took a while to know how to adjust. Apart from trying to commit suicide, my wife also asked me on four occasions to divorce her. I refused every time. But I know you don’t have a spare decade, so one of the things that you may find helpful is a book called “Love in the time of chronic illness”.
It’s available on our trusted Amazon. 99% of people rank it 5 stars! I have not read it myself, but you will find there a lot of medical, spiritual, and legal guidance from a variety of experts.
Talking of books, if you are interested in a FREE one, I wrote “Fibromyalgia for Caring Partners”. You can access the 1st chapter below!
FREE Fibromyalgia e-Book
Fibromyalgia for Caring Men
Let’s talk about the voices that aren’t often heard, the voices of spousal caregivers. Because after all, we become caregivers to our beloved wives.
We hear so much about female fibromyalgia’s point of view, about their suffering and struggles. But it is time to talk about male partners who support them.
What is the impact of fibromyalgia on male partners of women with this chronic condition?
There are plenty of awesome men like yourself, or me, who understand the importance of not giving up, and we stick by our partner’s side.
If you weren’t one of them you wouldn’t read this article. It means you care. Thank you!
There are support groups made of such men like us, men who love women with chronic illnesses. I don’t run such a group but I decided to create and dedicate my entire blog to the topic of men supporting their chronically ill partners.
Fibromyalgia has been shown to negatively impact women’s quality of life, but really little is known about the impact on us – male partners.
Fibro significantly impacts negatively the emotional well-being of men. Men report that fibromyalgia affects many aspects of their lives including sex and intimacy, work, and income.
They are required to take on additional tasks and roles. My wife takes very good care of herself so fibromyalgia doesn’t affect me as much thanks to her.
She tries not to put pressure on me, but sometimes it isn’t possible. Sometimes I miss a thing or two, and I am being blamed for things, especially when the illness causes her extreme stress, anxiety, and depression.
Sometimes I feel like I’m her nurse, her cook, shopper, cleaner, advocate, breadwinner, and more… Fibromyalgia has an impact on men’s emotions.
In my personal experience, I felt helpless, frustrated, worried, and angry at times.
Such emotions are difficult to deal with, and even though fibromyalgia has such an impact on male partners, there’s still a lack of support available to men. We are often marginalized and forgotten.
Healthcare practitioners should take more care of couples as a whole because they usually focus on females only. Fibromyalgia has a negative effect on intimacy in the marriage.
In some cases, it contributes to relationship breakdown causing a higher fibromyalgia divorce rate than among couples without this condition.
Sex with fibromyalgia!
If your wife has fibromyalgia, you both may also face challenges in your sex life. She could be experiencing loss of libido or having difficulty with her sexual performance.
Sometimes hormonal imbalance makes her not feel in the mood to have sex. The deep muscle pain and stiffness of fibromyalgia may keep her from enjoying sex the way she used to.
Healthy sex life is important for strengthening an intimate relationship, and sexual activity boosts endorphins. Those are the body’s natural opioids that can help decrease your partner’s pain.
But such a vicious cycle of pain, fatigue, and mood, is difficult to break. Especially, when women suffer from pain and other symptoms more than men. Fibromyalgia often follows endometriosis, which was in my wife’s case.
When women experience endometriosis and fibromyalgia pain, sex can become unbearable.
Planning a nice romantic dinner, or even going out with friends, may end in agony. Fibromyalgia flare-ups are unpredictable on their own but what I found, they more often occur after the menstrual cycle and the period ends.
At least this is the case for M who has endometriosis flare-ups followed by fibromyalgia flare-ups. The unknown occurrence of pain flares makes women anxious and frustrated.
Saying that you don’t have to have a sexless life!
Sex isn’t only about penetration. Sex is wonderful because you can explore and experiment.
By searching and discovering new things, your sex life doesn’t have to be boring. I asked my wife once a question if penetration hurts her so much, what about oral sex, does it hurt?
The answer was a clear “no”. You can give it to her and she can return the favor. Gentlemen, let’s face it – which one of us doesn’t like oral sex?
I thought so!
I say that because (unfortunately) for the majority of men sex is about orgasm and release. Women prefer more time, preparation, and more intimate touch. For them isn’t it about the penetration per se but the experience as a whole.
But let’s not forget that you can experiment with other things… Most women are naturally submissive, men are dominant in nature. So, here’s my advice to spice things up…
Grab some ties and handcuffs, play a little, and see what you both like. Trying won’t hurt. In the worst-case scenario, you give it a go, in the best-case scenario, you’ll love it!
Now, something that I personally found most pleasurable is not what many guys may be into, even though it is perfectly natural and healthy.
Not many men are into prostate massage because it makes them feel less masculine, but it happened that mother nature blessed us with prostate up there, we can’t help it.
Having your prostate massaged by a woman doesn’t make you gay, besides, some women love this as it gives their man the most pleasure. If you haven’t tried it, you miss the biggest pleasure a man can experience.
But enough sex talk. The Fibromyalgia divorce rate is high not only because of the lack of sex. Quite often our partners aren’t in the mood, mostly because of pain. But the fibromyalgia pain alone is something that breaks relationships.
There are 8 kinds of pain so if you are interested in the subject of it you kind find it, here’s the source.
What I find most helpful in helping my wife’s fibromyalgia pain are CBD products such as balms or oils.
We used both, however, the balm is fantastic for massaging it into the skin, whereas oil has WAY more strength! Vitality CBD Oral Drops Spray, Natural, 2400mg of CBD are great in getting rid of fibromyalgia pain.
You can find this CBD Oil on Amazon!
More useful tips…
The Fibromyalgia divorce rate may be high, but you don’t have to belong to this group. Here are 10 tips that can help keep your intimate relationship healthy:
- Get proper medical treatment.
- Don’t put your relationship on hold.
- Talk things over.
- If something hurts, stop doing it to her.
- Try new things.
- Wait until she’s ready.
- Change positions.
- Let her body do the talking.
- If you need more help, find it.
Additionally, I give you 15 caregiving tips on how to support a partner with chronic illness:
- Find support.
- Get help.
- Make time for yourself.
- Be kind to yourself.
- Identify personal barriers.
- Try to be patient.
- Don’t stop learning.
- Remember your loved one.
- Approach caregiving with your heart.
- Be respectful.
- Be sensitive.
- Trust in your ability to be a caregiver.
- Know your limits.
- Try not to be judgemental.
I hope you found here useful information about the fibromyalgia divorce rate and how to save your marriage from divorce. I wish you both luck and cross my fingers for you.
Take good care of each other!
Hi, I’m Lucjan! The reason why I decided to create this blog was my beautiful wife, who experienced a lot of pain in life, but also the lack of information about endometriosis and fibromyalgia for men…