What to do when your wife is always sick? Chronic illness and marriage.
What to do when your wife is always sick?
I was once in your position – I felt lost, confused, frustrated, impatient, and hopeless. So, if you wonder what to do when your wife is always sick, this article is just for you.
It took us 6 years to find out what was wrong.
If every day there’s something wrong with your wife, your mind begins to wonder.
There is always some kind of sickness or injury as if she was looking for attention. As it happens, it’s a cry for help.
Most probably she isn’t faking it but until it’s visible, she’s going to feel stressed, anxious, and embarrassed, how often she gets sick.
So, what to do when your wife is always sick?
If she often feels unwell, it means something is definitely not okay. She wants you to ask her how she is doing but feels like a burden to you.
Firstly, you should ask your wife how she feels.
Secondly, do your research. Since she’s not feeling well, Google all the symptoms she has to try and figure out what it might be.
You must do this before visiting the doctor, because half of the time, doctors blame it all on stress and anxiety.
Remember – female problems aren’t taken seriously.
While visiting her doctor to rule out any serious physical cause, it is crucial that you are by her side!
If there is a physical problem but no visible signs, a good doctor will send you to a specialist such as a rheumatologist who specializes in chronic pain.
Who knows, maybe your wife suffers from the same invisible chronic conditions as my wife – endometriosis or/and fibromyalgia?
What to do when your wife is always sick?
You can do many things, but in order to really help your wife, you need to follow these steps:
- Listen to her.
- Take her seriously.
- Promise her you’ll stay.
- Offer assistance.
- Do your research.
- Go with her to the doctor.
- Spread awareness.
This checklist is based on a decade of our experience with countless symptoms, battling doctors, hospital visits, physical and emotional valleys.
How do you know if your wife has endometriosis?
Endometriosis is a condition where the tissue that lines the inside of her uterus grows outside of it.
The tissue that makes up the lining of her womb is found outside it, in areas such as her ovaries, fallopian tubes, the bowel, bladder, and even the inside of the abdominal lining.
This tissue acts like endometrium tissue, which builds up, breaks down the bleeds monthly due to her body’s hormonal changes (period).
As the tissue is outside of her womb, the blood cannot exit your wife’s body as a during the period would.
This causes a lot of irritation and inflammation, which leads to forming scar tissue that often causes your wife’s pain.
How do you know if she has fibromyalgia?
Fibromyalgia is a syndrome and it is commonly called by the sufferers “fibro” for short.
It’s a long-term chronic condition that causes pain all over the body.
If you are concerned and notice that she aches everywhere, the first main signs of fibromyalgia are:
- Fatigue and lack of energy.
- Trouble falling asleep, insomnia.
- Anxiety and depression.
- Memory problems and trouble concentrating called “fibro fog”.
- Headaches and migraines.
- Muscle twitches or cramps, numbness or tingling in the hands and feet.
Unlike endometriosis, which only women get, anyone can develop fibromyalgia, however, it affects roughly 8 times as many women as men.
The disorder can occur in people of any age, but mostly affects people between the ages of 30 and 50.
The only definitive way to diagnose fibromyalgia is by visiting a rheumatologist, who will have to exclude other conditions that have similar symptoms.
Listen to her!
If you don’t know what to do when your wife is always sick, the best thing is to openly listen…
Listening to your partner is the best thing you can do because, unlike any doctor, you know your wife the best.
She can be the best source of information for you, aside from dr Google and books.
No doctor can diagnose her in a 10-minute chat.
Besides, she knows her body and only your wife can tell you the difference.
Whatever she suffers from is invisible. This fact makes her feel like she’s a fraud because no one can see her suffering.
This is why you have to take her seriously. Most probably you’re going to be the only one.
Take her seriously.
This is self-explanatory, but let’s clarify it. Your partner will not be taken seriously by society, doctors, even her friends, and family won’t believe your wife for a while.
Trust me, you must prepare for that, so you don’t get a shock when that happens.
However loving parents are, they may wrongly come to conclusions that she’s anxious or need to take a break from work.
Such suggestions may be hurtful. Get ready for that, and let your wife know that it is common for the closest ones not to believe in those in pain.
So again, take her seriously. You have to be her rock.
Promise her you’ll stay…
Being taken seriously by you your wife will have someone she trusts.
The best thing you can do aside from listening and taking her seriously is your commitment.
“Till death do you part”… “In illness and in health”… remember those? “I do!”
But seriously, you’re here, it shows that you care about her and so far you stack around. That’s great!
Because many unlucky women are being divorced by their husbands.
It might be that they can’t cope well with the pressure, or like in my wife’s case, the wife asks her man to divorce her for his sake…
My lovely M asked me on three occasions to divorce her for the sake of my happiness. She felt like a burden and wanted my happiness.
Your wife may feel the same way, seeing you being there for her, despite the difficulties that her unusual, unexplained symptoms cause to your marriage.
Aside from making her realize that no matter what you’ll stick around, offer her help in trying to solve this mystery.
I know what to do when your wife is always sick and can’t do anything because she’s exhausted with her symptoms, and people do not believe her.
You have to offer your wife assistance, helping her find out what is going on.
You have to do it because it might be a serious illness like endometriosis which brings a risk of infertility, or fibromyalgia which causes chronic, widespread pain.
The best way to assist her is by doing research.
Do your research.
By doing research, you have to bear in mind that your wife may feel sometimes tired, sluggish, fatigued, anxious, or depressed.
You have to take such research into your hands.
You don’t have to go to the lengths I did and write a blog, but do a simple googling of your wife’s symptoms to find out what’s wrong.
I decided to write a blog because there is a lot to say about chronic illnesses like fibromyalgia and endometriosis.
Besides, I wanted to spread awareness of our unspoken struggles as spousal caregivers.
And yes, if your wife is chronically ill, you are a spousal caregiver, my friend. And if you found yourself struggling with work and her support, I invite you to read about my solution to it.
The post explains in detail, from A to Z, how to balance work and caregiving.
Moving on to the next step…
Go with her to the doctor.
Every time your wife will go to the doctor on her own, she may come out empty-handed.
The truth is, that because she’s a female, she might not be taken seriously, as her symptoms will affect her menstruation.
What does it mean are?
Female problems are being normalized by male practitioners.
Women are often told that all their symptoms, since invisible, occur because they are stressed and anxious.
Despite agonizing pain, women aren’t believed, which delays the diagnosis of serious illnesses.
The best thing you can do is to advocate for your wife. Trust me. Just go with her to doctor’s appointments and you’ll see what a difference your presence will make.
Unfortunately, men respect men more than women. I found it to be a sad truth. So be there, support her, stand up to anyone who hurts her feelings, defend her honor.
Even though we may have already answered the question “what to do when your wife is always sick”, I cannot stress this enough – spreading awareness about your wife’s illness will make a difference.
By the time you accomplish all the above steps, you should be on your way to solving the
You found yourself in a really tough spot. You want to help your woman feel better, and you too, have to take a break from the stress of an ill wife.
Oftentimes, if you bring it up, you’re in trouble because society expects us to suck it up and deal with it.
No one ever talks about spousal caregivers.
From what I see, there’s only one option…
If you have suddenly been put into the role of spousal caregiver, the best thing you can do is check out my blog, because it is one of a few that provides help for men caring for their chronically ill wives.
Take care, cheerio!
Hi, I’m Lucjan! The reason why I decided to create this blog was my beautiful wife, who experienced a lot of pain in life, but also the lack of information about endometriosis and fibromyalgia for men…