What to do when your wife is always sick?
I was once in your position – I felt lost, confused, frustrated, impatient, and hopeless. I also wondered how to react when my wife is sick, so if you want to know, this article is just for you.
It took us 6 years to find out what was wrong.
If every day there’s something wrong with your wife, your mind begins to wonder.
There is always some kind of sickness or injury as if she was looking for attention. As it happens, it’s a cry for help.
Most probably she isn’t faking it but until this serious illness is visible, she’s going to feel stressed, anxious, and embarrassed, about how often she gets sick.
So, do what I do when my wife is sick…
If she often feels unwell, it means something is definitely not okay. She wants you to ask her how she is doing but feels like a burden to you.
Firstly, you should ask your wife how she feels. Secondly, do your research. Since she’s not feeling well, Google all the symptoms she has to try and figure out what it might be. You must do this before visiting the doctor, because half of the time, doctors blame it all on stress and anxiety.
Remember – female problems aren’t taken seriously. While visiting her doctor to rule out any serious physical cause, it is crucial that you are by her side!
If there is a physical problem but no visible signs, a good doctor will send you to a specialist such as a rheumatologist who specializes in chronic pain. Who knows, maybe your wife suffers from the same invisible chronic conditions as my wife does – endometriosis or/and fibromyalgia?
What I do when wife is sick?
You can do many things, but in order to really help your wife, you need to follow these steps:
- Listen to her.
- Take her serious illness seriously.
- Promise her you’ll stay.
- Offer assistance.
- Do your research.
- Go with her to the doctor.
- Spread awareness.
This checklist is based on a decade of our experience with countless symptoms, battling doctors, hospital visits, and physical and emotional valleys.
Endometriosis and fibromyalgia.
How do you know if your wife has endometriosis?
Endometriosis is a condition where the tissue that lines the inside of her uterus grows outside of it.
The tissue that makes up the lining of her womb is found outside it, in areas such as her ovaries, fallopian tubes, the bowel, bladder, and even the inside of the abdominal lining.
This tissue acts like endometrium tissue, which builds up, and breaks down the bleeds monthly due to her body’s hormonal changes (period).
As the tissue is outside of her womb, the blood cannot exit your wife’s body as during the period would.
This causes a lot of irritation and inflammation, which leads to forming of scar tissue that often causes your wife pain.
If you want to learn more about endometriosis, I wrote an “Endo-Tool, Endometriosis for Men” e-Book. You can get the 1st Chapter of the e-Book for FREE!
FREE CHAPTER of endometriosis e-Book!
How do you know if she has fibromyalgia?
Fibromyalgia is a syndrome and it is commonly called by the sufferers “fibro” for short.
It’s a long-term chronic condition that causes pain all over the body.
If you are concerned and notice that she aches everywhere, the first main signs of fibromyalgia are:
- Fatigue and lack of energy.
- Trouble falling asleep, insomnia.
- Anxiety and depression.
- Memory problems and trouble concentrating are called “fibrofog”.
- Headaches and migraines.
- Muscle twitches or cramps, numbness or tingling in the hands and feet.
Unlike endometriosis, which only women get, anyone can develop fibromyalgia, however, it affects roughly 8 times as many women as men.
The disorder can occur in people of any age, but mostly affects people between the ages of 30 and 50.
The only definitive way to diagnose fibromyalgia is by visiting a rheumatologist, who will have to exclude other conditions that have similar symptoms.
If you want to learn more about fibromyalgia, I wrote a “Fibromyalgia for Caring Partners” e-Book. You can get the 3 First Chapters of the e-Book for FREE!
FREE CHAPTER of fibromyalgia e-Book!
Listen to her!
My wife feels sick, so the best thing I do is that I openly listen to her.
Listening to your partner is the best thing you can do because, unlike any doctor, you know your wife the best.
She can be the best source of information for you. She knows her body and only your wife can tell you the difference.
Whatever she suffers from is invisible. This fact makes her feel like she’s a fraud because no one can see her suffering.
This is why you have to take her seriously. Most probably you’re going to be the only one.
Take her seriously.
This is self-explanatory, but let’s clarify it. Your partner has a serious illness, but she will not be taken seriously by society, or doctors, even her friends, and family won’t believe your wife for a while.
Their suggestions may be hurtful. Get ready for that, and let your wife know that it is common for the closest ones not to believe in those in pain.
Promise her you’ll stay.
By being taken seriously by you your wife will have someone she trusts. Other family members may not understand that because they aren’t as close to your wife as you do. You can really see what she’s going through, and you are the only person who will stay by her side the longest.
The best thing you can do aside from listening and taking her seriously is your commitment.
Many unlucky women are being divorced by their husbands. It might be that they can’t cope well with the pressure, or like in my wife’s case, the wife asks her man to divorce her for his sake…
My lovely M asked me on three occasions to divorce her for the sake of my happiness. She felt like a burden and wanted my happiness.
Your wife may feel the same way, seeing you being there for her, despite the difficulties that her unusual, unexplained symptoms cause to your marriage.
I know you feel stuck when wife feels ill, and can’t do anything because she’s exhausted with her symptoms, and people do not believe her.
You have to offer your wife emotional support and assistance, helping her find out what is going on.
You have to do it because it might be a serious illness like endometriosis which brings a risk of infertility, or fibromyalgia which causes chronic, widespread pain.
Do your research.
By doing research, you have to bear in mind that your wife may feel sometimes tired, sluggish, fatigued, anxious, or depressed.
You have to take such research into your hands.
You don’t have to go to the lengths I did and write a blog, but do a simple googling of your wife’s symptoms to find out what’s wrong.
I decided to write a blog because there is a lot to say about chronic illnesses like fibromyalgia and endometriosis. Besides, I wanted to spread awareness of our unspoken struggles as spousal caregivers.
And yes, if your wife is chronically ill, you are a spousal caregiver, my friend. And if you found yourself struggling with work and her support, I invite you to read about my solution to it.
The post explains in detail, from A to Z, how to balance work and caregiving.
Go with her to the doctor.
Just because she’s a female, she might not be taken seriously, as her symptoms will affect her menstruation.
What does it mean?
Female problems are being normalized by male practitioners. Women are often told that all their symptoms, since invisible, occur because they are stressed and anxious.
Despite agonizing pain, women aren’t believed, which delays the diagnosis of serious illnesses. It can cause high blood pressure because of disbelief.
The best thing you can do is to advocate for your wife. Trust me. Just go with her to doctor’s appointments and you’ll see what a difference your presence will make.
Unfortunately, men respect men more than women. I found it to be a sad truth. So be there, support her, stand up to anyone who hurts her feelings, and defend her honor.
Even though we may have already answered the question, I cannot stress this enough – spreading awareness about your wife’s illness will make a difference.
You should spread awareness not only for other family members but friends and society too, even though oftentimes if you bring it up, you’re in trouble because society expects us to suck it up and deal with it.
No one ever talks about spousal caregivers but from what I see, there’s only one option…
If you have suddenly been put into the role of spousal caregiver, the best thing you can do is check out my blog, because it is one of a few that provides help for men caring for their chronically ill wives.
Knowing what to say or do when she is ill means knowing how to care for her when she’s anxious or depressed. You should always look for warning signs of any change of behavior. To feel sad for a long period of time isn’t natural. That can be a sign of your sick wife having suicidal thoughts.
My wife reached her breaking point many times and tried to commit suicide on two occasions.
Unlike other family members, you can be aware of the warning signs. In such situations, be more than her loved one, be her best friend. She’ll need you more than ever!
Being her loved one who sees her most intimate struggles, you can sense when you have to take more responsibilities to relieve your sick wife from extra duties. That will allow her to feel less stressed.
Take care of her needs, help with household chores, and give her emotional support, and take care of your own needs too. Remember, your woman is ill, you need to take a break for yourself and recharge your batteries. Only then you will be able to cope with her chronic illness.
Hi, I’m Lucjan! The reason why I decided to create this blog was my beautiful wife, who experienced a lot of pain in life, but also the lack of information about endometriosis and fibromyalgia for men…